Finally here!!!

Today I leave and I don’t just mean ‘leave’ as in get on a plane and travel though I am certainly doing that. Today I leave. I leave my parents, I leave my dog and hopefully, I leave me too. I leave the me that I have become in the last year. A me that I don’t necessarily enjoy being. Much has happened this year. I have gone from living on my own to living with my parents. I have gone through heartache, body ache, spiritual ache, and a whole bunch more aches. It has also been a good year. I swam with dolphins, met new people, and most importantly I decided to take control over my life and to forge the future that I desire. I found out this year that my mom has cancer. My father also struggled with health issues and recently my sister has also been through some life changing experiences. Hopefully for all of us the trials encourage growth, change and development, but I have also found myself on the brink of over-stress. I find myself being incredibly giving, loving and tender followed by small bouts of intense selfishness, jealousy and need.  A need that I seek fulfillment for from people who are probably unable to give my remedy. I blame them for not helping me and yet, they cannot, then I blame myself from blaming them, then I hate the fact that I have become this evil selfish person. These are my feelings and they have been on the same roller coaster that my life has been on, up down twists turns- constantly moving and yet not going anywhere. I cannot always tell what I am feeling until it all lets loose and some poor unsuspecting person gets caught in the whirlwind of emotion. For all of these reason I leave, and I hope I leave that stress and yuck behind. I hope that six months is long enough to re-find my path and to remember who and what it is that I seek to become and accomplish. So that when I return I have filled my stores and can be once again unselfish and loving. I hope that I seek to fill my need through God and through myself and not through people who cannot always provide. I hope I learn independence in seeking to fulfill my needs and that others do not always have a role in that. I hope that I find self discovery. I hope I get rid of all that clouds my mind and judgement when I make decisions concerning my future. Basically I leave for a new hope.